More...

First, I want to thank everyone who commented to me personally, or on my journal... I thank-you! The feedback has been great!

On another note, there is one person who is ticked about it... and that's David. He says that I made him out to be this horrible person. Here's the thing, nothing that I said was a lie about him, so if he sees that as him being a bad person... well... if the shoe fits. And plus... the whole confession thing, it wasn't about him... yes, he was mentioned in it, but it wasn't all about him... it was about me, and things that I've put up with, been through, etc in my life...

So... updates now...

I got a job. I will be going back to Debt Shield on the 15th. I'm happy about this! I worked for them before I moved to Florida, and I loved that place! So to be able to go back makes me thrilled! The only downside is that I won't get a paycheck until after the 1st... so that means no money for Christmas. So, I picked-up some shifts at a friend's Tree stand to make some extra cash. It's not much, but it's helpful, and it means cash in my pockets.

As for the kids, they are driving me nuts! They are getting worse and worse. Out of control. Their behavior is despicable. I don't know how to get them back on track. Spankings aren't helping, regular punishments aren't working... I'm just at a lost as to what to do.

I am back on my meds now. Just started taking them again. Things were starting to get rough, and I decided that it's good to get back on them, because they really helped me before, so hopefully they will help me again. They make me sane... or at least as sane as I can be.

I also think that it would be a good idea to get a shrink again... .yeah, I spilled my guts on here once, but it doesn't really help. I need someone who I can talk to about everything going on in my life... and everything that has happened before. There's still so many things that I just cannot talk about, even in a confession. Too many people would be hurt by what I have to say, so I keep it bottled up inside, festering like a wound. Eventually, if you keep that much stuff bottled up, you will explode. So, in the meantime, I just drug myself... Whatever works, right?

Anyway, I have decided to do a "confession-a-day" kind of thing... every day that I make a journal post, I will share one confession.... maybe this will help?!

Confession for today:

I did not want my daughter when I found out I was pregnant. I thought I did, I was excited at first, but then I freaked. I had to be drugged half-way through my pregnancy because I was almost suicidal. After I had her, I had a lot of animosity towards her... there was a lot of anger. Obviously it was irrational, but it was there none-the-less. I really didn't start to want a relationship with her until after about a year. It wasn't until I realized that she was running to Mindy if she hurt herself, and didn't want me that I realized what I was doing. It changed after that, and it's all good between us now, but I will forever punish myself for the way I felt towards her for too long.