Are we there yet?

I hurt today. Seriously, I am too young to feel this old! Again, not much happened today. I worked all day at the stand. My body is killing me. Then Mom Crump called and asked for me to come home early, so I can spend time with the kids. I miss them! I feel like I haven't spent time with them in a few days... oh wait, I haven't! I hate that I have to work! I need to find myself a rich man, so I can stay at home with the kids... LOL. Sure, Santa, that's what I want for Christmas!! I was thinking today about something that my grandpa told me a long time ago... Don't know why I thought about it today, but it's been bugging me. I remember him telling me when I was about... maybe 14 or 15 that I was going to be a whore when I got older. When I asked him why, he said it was because I was, and I quote, "... built like a brick sh*thouse." Seriously? So yeah... I'm going to be a whore because of that... thanks gramps! Then, even before that, I remember back when I was maybe 10 or 11. My mom had given me some make-up to play with. I was only allowed to wear it at home, since it was just for fun. My dad came to pick me up, and saw that I had a bag of make-up... and he said I would be a whore, because I was wearing make-up so young. Then, of course, there was my step-dad... who always assumed I was a whore, even when I had never even kissed a boy. WTF? Why would these 3 men in my life ALL tell me I was going to grow-up to be one? Luckily though, I proved all of them wrong. One of them has actually retracted what he said, another died before he could, and the third never bothered. But seriously, why would grown men tell a young girl something like that? Why do parents/adults not think about what they say to kids, and how that will effect them when they get older? Thinking about that made me think about some of the things I've said to my kids.... and I feel horrible. Why would I say these things? Could be because many of the things I say to my kids, are the same things that were said to me. But honestly, it's time I take responsibility. Regardless of what was said or done to me, that does not give me an excuse to say/do it to my kids. So, I need to start making a conscious effort to watch what I say to them from here on out. I need to treat my kids better than the way I was treated growing up.

Confession for today:

I had a one-night-stand a long time ago... I don't even know his last name. Hell, I barely remember his first name. I felt like I was fulfilling the prophesy of the men in my life.... and I felt like shit.