Long time no... type?

So, yeah... it's been crazy. I'm not going to sit here and do this big, long thing to catch everyone up through today.... Just give the basics.

* Back at Debt Shield (still). Loving it. It's good to be back at a job that I really like. Plus, it pays, and that's always a benefit.

* Moved back in with the Grandparents. Yay. Not. This is already driving me insane, and I haven't even been back a full 48 hours yet. Oh hell.

* I'm having baby fever. Yes, you read it. I blame it on Rachel and Skylar. I have known for a very long time that I want another baby. One more little baby. But, then David and I got divorced, and the potential for another little baby went out the door along with everything else. I guess thinking about the possibility that I may never find someone to spend the rest of my life with, someone to marry and to live happily ever after with... someone to have a baby with, to help raise all the kids together.... Well, it gets really depressing... and lonely... then I just want to drink and drink and drink.... (note to self: get a bottle of vodka tmrw....) I mean, seriously... I am 26 years old. I am a single mom of 2 kids working a full-time job, living with my GRANDPARENTS!!! Who the hell would want anything to do with someone like me? Nobody... not one single damn person, that's who.

So yeah, bitter? Definitely. I'm just in one of those moods. Doesn't help that Mindy and I were talking about baby names again the other day...

I really like the name Kairi Nicole or Kairi Alexandra... and a few other middle names, along with the name Kairi.... So yeah.... Shoot me.

I dream lately about a beautiful little girl... I can actually see her vividly. Then I wake-up to the reality that she will likely never be born.

Shoot me.

I am lonely, and getting more so by the day.

Shoot me.

Good night.

****Confession for the day****

I am so damn depressed lately that the thought of just running away from all of it has become so damn tempting... I know the kids would be okay, nobody would let anything happen to them.... but seriously... I just want to run away from everything and crawl into a hole and never come out. Why wouldn't I just want to die, you ask? Well, thanks to Mindy, I think about the absolutely horrible purgatory I could be brought into, which includes being a fly on a wall in some situations that I REALLY don't want to witness... though unfortunately I have too many damn visuals already... so yeah... crawl into a hole and hibernate for the rest of my life. Sounds wonderful.